The week in review

Best chance to glimpse Janet Jackson's right breast: The Super Bowl halftime show, when Justin Timberlake rips off her top in what he calls a "wardrobe malfunction."

Most unusual breast accessory: Jackson sports a silver sun over her nipple.

Worst mug shot: Arrested and charged with domestic violence, Godfather of Soul James Brown is photographed January 28 with his famed coif in disarray.

Worst potential for child endangerment: Snow closes Albemarle County schools four days in one week and again on February 3, and parents teeter dangerously close to the brink.

Worst forecast: Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow on Groundhog Day, assuring another six weeks of winter. Parents teeter dangerously close to mayhem.

Worst loss of a beloved children's television star: Captain Kangaroo– Bob Keeshan– dies January 23 at age 76.

Best indication that the 200 abortion rights activists who show up for the Virginia Pro-Choice Alliance lobby day January 28 in Richmond have little effect: That same day, the House of Delegates passes a bill that holds abortion clinics to the same standards as ambulatory surgery centers, which will require upgrades estimated at $500,000 to $1 million for each clinic.

Best name for a bill– suggested to Delegate Rob Bell by Sheriff Ed Robb– requiring regional jail boards to be headed by a sheriff: The "keep-your-sheriff-happy bill," reports Bob Gibson in the Daily Progress. The bill has been shelved after facing opposition that includes regional jail boards and the Virginia Municipal League.

Best source of news about Albemarle School Board meetings since Gary Grant's Constituents Report ceased: New at-large member Brian Wheeler sends email accounts of meetings to his SchoolMatters subscribers,

Worst news for Belmont homeowners: Real estate assessments leap an average 40 percent higher, compared to an 11.8 percent average increase across the rest of the city.

Best continuing saga: In this week's installment of the ongoing travails of Louisa Police Chief John Wilson, who was arrested for the assault and battery of one of his officers January 22, the Progress' Braxton Williams reports that Wilson had problems during a six-week stint as police chief in Shenandoah in 1995, and that the chief filed a $1 million lawsuit against Newport News and one of its officers after Wilson was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Best crime solving in Culpeper: The perps of the cow carcass dumping in the parking lot of the county administration building turn themselves in January 28. Cousins Josh and Wyatt Colvin 'fess up to the deed.

Best politickin' by a best-selling author: John Grisham heads to South Carolina to campaign for John Kerry.

Best formal recognition of a local band: The NAACP taps the Dave Matthews Band for its Chairman's Award because of the band's devotion to environmental and social causes and its "dignified representation of people of color."

Best informal recognition: New figures released by Pollstar magazine indicate that Dave Matthews (minus the band) may be almost as big a draw as his super-selling band. The Pollstar numbers show that Dave Matthews & Friends (with Trey Anastasio and Emmylou Harris) is placing #5 with an average box office gross of about $750,000 per city. Simon & Garfunkel, the reunited (again) 1960s duo, comfortably topped the list with over $2.4 million per city, followed by Shania Twain, Aerosmith/Kiss, and Bette Midler.

Best cautionary tale for those contemplating running discriminatory rental ads: The Louisville Eccentric Observer settles for $5,000 complaints that classifieds worded "ideal for single, older person" are discriminatory toward families.

Best subliminal headline/photograph juxtaposition in the Progress : "Abortion clinic bill passes" tops a fetal-like picture of a girl buried in womb-like snow in the January 29 paper.

Second best: February 3's page-one's "Delegates mull illegal alien bill" is illustrated with a bunch of 60-something males playing basketball.