THE BRAZEN CAREERIST- Horror stories: Baby sitting and the opt-out revolution

Here is my nightmare. I moved to Madison without knowing anyone here, so I found a babysitter through the University of Wisconsin graduate program in early education. The woman I found was great, but she said that she was really busy, and could her boyfriend babysit instead.

I squashed all my sexist stereotypes and asked for his qualifications. She said he has a law degree in Puerto Rico, where they are from, but he can't work here because he didn't pass the Wisconsin bar, and he doesn't want to study for it because they'll only be here two years. So he is looking for work. He has five younger siblings and he babysat them.

I said okay. I did the normal routine– stayed with him and the baby one day. Went out for a little the next. The third day, I told him I'd be at the coffee shop. I told him if he wants to go there, go when the baby is asleep so the baby doesn't see me and start crying for me, so he shows up at the coffee shop at naptime.

I say, "Where's the baby?"

He says, "At home."

"AT HOME?!?!?"

So I sprint eight blocks home, imagining all the most terrible things a mom can imagine. I get home and the baby is asleep, on my bed, ten feet from an open stairway.

The guy says, "I'm sorry."

I say, "You can just go."

He says, "I think it was a language problem. I just misunderstood you. I thought you told me to go to the coffee shop and leave the baby at home."

This could happen to anyone, and it does. My friend paid a chic agency in the New York City area to find her a bonded, background-checked nanny. But she turned out to be anorexic and she fainted behind the wheel. My friend didn't know until the car was wrapped around a pole. (Everyone safe, thank goodness.)

The difficulty of leaving a baby to go to work cannot be understated. And babysitting situations like this make it even more difficult. So we've now gone months with no babysitter, and my husband is about to kill me because he's picking up a lot of the slack.

So here's where the advice comes in: how to find a perfect babysitter, right? Wrong. There are no perfect babysitter situations. It's the nature of motherhood to be unsure of leaving. One thing I can tell you, though, is that I am a part of the opt-out generation: I sprinted up corporate ladders and ran two startups of my own, and I don't want to do that now, when I have young kids.

A press release from Lifetime Television just announced, "Women in generation Y do not want to permanently drop out of the workforce." The assumption here, of course, is that the Generation X women– me– who are dropping out of corporate life today are going to abstain from all business for the next twenty years until all their kids are in college.

Newsflash: The current opt-out phenomenon is not permanent. Some moms can do it, some can't, most fall somewhere in between, like me. As the kids get older, the opt-out revolution is about opting out of the absurd and inflexible hours that corporate America is demanding right now. It is not opting out of all work that does not involve kids. In fact, the majority of small businesses are started by women for these very reasons.

So, finally, here's some advice. Babysitter problems are not unique to you. They are part of a massive trend, and one bad babysitter doesn't mean you should give up on corporate life, and the crazy demands of corporate life don't mean that you should give up on work outside the home. We are all trying to find a compromise, and some of us are trying to find a sitter.



This was a great article. I love the last line, "We are all trying to find a compromise, and some of us are trying to find a sitter."That describes me and semi coincidentally the site I read about this article on, "I saw your Nanny"

Fabulous article about the difficult choices parents have to make in today's crazed work environment. I have a friend who grew up with both parents heading up major national companies, and she swears that they had family dinners together every night at 6 pm. That's impossible today, even if only one parent is working. Corporations have changed the rules, and the rest of American society has not changed to accomodate that (child care, equal pay, maternity/paternity leaves). And, for the most part, it's the women who are feeling the brunt of it as they try to make appropriate decisions about how to raise their kids in this new world. Yet, the first step is for all women to be supportive of each other's choices. Unfortunately, we're not there yet.

This article brings up the issue of super parents in America and London for that matter.I am not a super parent (working and looking after my child)I'm a single parent living in London. I have given up my teaching and art career temporarily to look after my child who is two. I can't afford to have a babysitter. I would not be further ahead if I were to work and pay a full time child minder. I am a US and UK citizen . I can't imagine lving in the US as a single parent.