Criminal sanity? Bank heist suspect apologizes!

On June 13, accused hold-up men Jeffrey Alan Adams and John Joseph Amann, both from Fredericksburg, pleaded not guilty at their arraignment in U.S. District Court. However, in a letter to the Hook penned on June 10, Adams enters a plea of a different sort.

"I would like to take this opportunity to extend my sincere apologies to the employees of the Union Bank and Trust and its customers, and to the people and City of Charlottesville," Adams writes, adding, "my professional respect to the Police Department for its fine and swift actions."

Adams goes on to compliment the "handsome" city zoning inspector who foiled the crime, cites Splendora's gelato shop as an "excellent place," and confirms his "desert island" CD picks (which the Hook had found on Amazon.com).

At first, Hook staff thought it could be a clever hoax by a bored fellow inmate, but an Albemarle Jail official confirms today that Adams is indeed the author.

Adams was arrested on the morning of June 1 after allegedly attempting to rob the Union Bank and Trust on the Downtown Mall. As the Hook reported, he had been captured about an hour before on the security camera making a purchase at nearby Splendora's. On his way to the bank, he was spotted by city zoning inspector Cory Jordan, who felt there was something suspicious when he saw Adams enter the bank and turn the dead-bolt on the door.

"I thought that was rather unusual, so I stayed out in front of the bank and watched what was going on inside," Jordan told the Hook." I couldn't see what the man was doing, because he had his back to me, but then I saw a man in the back of the bank facing the front put his hands in the air."

Apparently, that was an employee responding to commands from an armed Adams. Jordan frantically called 911, and within minutes Charlottesville police were on the scene, broke the glass on the bank door, stormed in, and arrested Adams. That same day, Amann, Adams' accused accomplice, was arrested in Fredericksburg.

According to a June 5 story in the Daily Progress, an FBI affidavit attached to the court filing revealed that Adams and Amann had planned the heist the night before, that Adams used a black pistol outfitted with a red laser, and that he took $87,000 out of the bank vault. The affidavit, the DP reported, also stated that Adams had threatened to kill one employee if she didn't retrieve more money from the vault.

However, in Adams' letter to the Hook, he appears to be more of a dandy than a hoodlum.

"My compliments to the keenly observant Mr. Corey [sic] Jordan," he writes. "I hope that his reputation among the young ladies of Charlottesville as a decisive young (and handsome) man of action precedes him."

Adams recommends a promotion and a pay raise for Jordan. He also corrects our report that he bought coffee at Splendora's. "I prefer coffee only in the coldest of months," he explains. "Splendora's is an excellent place to enjoy a bottle of water before one must go to work."

In closing, Adams confirms a report in the Hook's June 7 4Better or Worse column noting a 2004 Amazon.com review posted by a Fredericksburg resident named Jeffrey A. Adams that listed The Church's Forget Yourself and Talk Talk's Laughing Stock as "desert island" CD picks.

"I would replace Forget Yourself with Uninvited, Like the Clouds," writes Adams, "...add anything by Sigur Ros, as well as Everyone Into Position from the awe-inspiring British rockers Oceansize.

"However, I maintain that Talk Talk's Laughing Stock is the single finest recording in modern popular music, and is essential to any personal library, and bears daily, repeated listening."

Both Adams and Amann are facing federal charges. No trial date has been set.

Full text below:

Dear Editors,

I would like to take this opportunity to extend;

My sincere apologies to the employees of Union Bank & Trust and its customers, and to the people and City of Charlottesville,

My professional respect of the Police Department for its fine and swift actions,

And my compliments to the keenly observant Mr. Corey Jordan, with my sincere hopes that, at the very least, the City of Charlottesville will ensure his continued employment with a promotion and a raise in pay. If there is a cash reward, he certainly deserves one, and I hope that his reputation among the young ladies of Charlottesville as a decisive young (and handsome) man of action precedes him.

Incidentally, I prefer coffee only in the coldest of months. Splendora's is an excellent place to enjoy a bottle of water before one must go to work.

In closing, I would like to say that I would replace Forget Yourself with Uninvited, Like the Clouds, the 2006 release by the tragically under-recognized Aussie quartet The Church, add anything by SigÆ?ÂŒr Ros, as well as Everyone Into Position from the awe-inspiring British rockers Oceansize.

However, I maintain that Talk Talk's Laughing Stock is the single finest recording in modern popular music, and is essential to any personal library and bears daily, repeated listening.

I remain,

Jeffrey A. Adams

4 comments

Well, when your toast, you might as well look at the positive aspects instead of harboring a grudge. Adams may have a career as a standup when he gets out.

WTF? I'm speechless....

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This is precious. Kudos to the Hook for keeping Hunter Thompson's famous axiom alive:

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

More importantly, contrary to the opinion of the incarcerated, it should be known that Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti is the single finest recording in modern popular music. It remains essential to any respectable library of music, popular or otherwise, and is best experienced Down By the Seaside, with a margarita on one side and a pretty woman on the other (Fully automatic, comes in any size/Makes me wonder what I did, before we synchronized/Talkin' 'bout love... "). That's right.

Thanks again to The Hook for this opportunity to set the record straight on modern pop music.