Saga of a supermodel: Colin fails to get his freak on

Colin Steers
FILE PHOTO

After three weeks of steady progress for Charlottesville's nerd-a-licious Colin Steers on Make Me a Supermodel (Wednesdsay, 9pm, BravoTV), the first 12 minutes of this week's episode came as a shock. Where was our boy? It was a virtual Colin-free zone on the small screen.

The model wannabes received their photo assignment: work with mirrors to create a "window into who you really are," with the photographer advising them to be "memorable, confrontational, and raw."

The reward? Two winners would pick two others, and the four would head to Montreal Fashion Week for the chance to walk in a show. As the contestants demonstrated various permutations of narcissism, there was virtually no sign of Central Virginia's prettiest son.

But after the first commercial break, the show ominously

shifted to all Colin, all the time. (Reality Show Rule #1: Excessive air time is not a good omen for a contestant's survival).

The episode revisited Colin's virginity, as his would-be deflowerer, Kerryn, observed, "Colin feels very awkward when girls touch him," and then grabbed his crotch, asking if it scared him. In voiceover, Kerryn confessed, "He's my little pet project," after which Colin remarked to the camera, "I hope this prepares me for girls in the future."

Back out of the gutter, Colin's photograph turned out blah, but winner Branden nevertheless selected the geeky innocent to ride the tricked-out bus to Montreal (which Branden was pretty sure was in Canada). Surprisingly, all four wannabe models succeeded in getting hired to walk in the Canadian fashion shows.

Colin, meanwhile, made time with Quebec's female catwalkers (one of whom admired his body) and confessed to the camera, "I feel like I'm making progress in how I talk to girls– in that I'm now talking to girls."

Back in New York, "older" (we're talking 30, people) male contestant Shawn, whose photo was also bland, griped for the third time about Colin's lack of modeling experience–- an auspicious sign! Reality Show Rule #5: Among weak contestants, the most arrogant always goes home first.

For this week's catwalk challenge, the contestants discovered they would be styled as freaks and judged on doing "performance art" on the runway. Things were not looking good for our handsome brainiac as he, wearing a gold lam© hooded cape and ice blue contacts, failed to "bring the drama." Judge Marlon despaired, "Colin, Colin, Colin– your runway was terrible!"

As predicted, the two beauties up for booting: Colin and Shawn. Who would fall? Colin received more air time, but Shawn was cockier. (Additional factor: Shawn is a stably married man while Colin, as we know, still needs to get his freak on.) Deadly serious "model mentor" Nicole Trunfio stood before them and sternly advised Colin, "Become a model or go home." Then she handed the dreaded portfolio of death to Shawn. And our favorite geek survived another week.