Parachute punk'd: locals get critical beatdown


Legendary New Yorker music critic Sasha Frere-Jones brutally laid the smackdown on Red Light's high-flying major-label Charlottesville pop-rockers Parachute August 15 via Twitter. But despite the depths of his disdain (he actually coined the phrase "MIT poop wizard" in their honor), he has just been trumped here by what essentially amounts to a music review SWAT team.

The Singles Jukebox, a blog which started as a column in the now-defunct online music mag Stylus, is a sort of roundup rodeo in which several prominent critics from publications like Pitchfork and Rolling Stone review current pop singles, leaving behind one short blurb apiece and an aggregate score.

On September 25, they began wrangling Parachute, whose "She Is Love" ends up scoring 2.23 out of 10, with the similarly legendary critic Chuck Eddy giving a 4, a tie for the highest individual score bestowed on the Charlottesville-based quintet.

Choice comments from the melee:

  • "It’s like a greeting card threw up bubblewrapped Gavin DeGraw everywhere."
  • "John Mayer without the redeeming sense of humor or the dirty little sense of guilt"
  • "There’s far more wisdom about the give-and-take of relationships in R. Kelly"
  • "Scraping the absolute bottom of the post Maroon 5/Five for Fighting/Matchbox 20 barrel, and it’s not like that one was exactly full of good stuff to begin with"
  • "A valentine from a reluctant junkie pimp to his steadfast trick-turning girlfriend"
  • "I really hope that some boy in Michigan gets a hand job after his junior prom after agreeing to slow dance to this, because there is no other reason for this emo bullsh*t to exist."

Turn to watch the wreckage if you must, but the villain-comeuppance finale from Tarantino's spectacular 2007 kitschfest Death Proof sums it up nicely.

Read more on: parachutered light


Who cares what you critics think? If you listened to their whole album you'd see that they are just as good as any other band!!! Do you spend all your time on lame websites that tear apart every band known to man??


Alfred Soto: He’s beat down, kicked around, and lost his faith in the darkest days ââ?¬â?? and there’s sixteen lines left.


Flaw'd et al -- my apologies for the possible misapplication of "punk'd" here; clearly I botched an opportunity with the alliterative title in trying to get this up quickly. Better: "panned." Better still: "pwn3d."

They did have a good guitarist a while back. The only real energy in the band but he seems to be gone. I went once and it was just boring.

Wow let's all jump on the bandwagon and crap on these kids. I like the song under control. You all have shared soo much constructive criticism thanks for your input. I am sure you all have very interesting lives with much more to do than crap on this local band. Or is that why you all are so upset? I remember when they were on the top downloads chart on itunes. The only thing better than building up out hometown heroes is tearin em down.

For the record I had nothing to do with them being built up. I kinda feel bad for them in a way; I think they're going to get spit out of the machine in a bad way.

Easily some of the funniest stuff I've read in a long while! Also love the addition of the Grindhouse vid.

it's about time somebody recognized the terribleness.

Are these the guys who did a promotional photo with them crowed into a portable toilet a while back? That was some band that was a Red Light managed "next big thing" and I remember seeing the pic in the Hook. That was probably the worst marketing ploy I've ever seen. It would be so fitting if it were these dudes.

Isnt this the band that changed their name for the sake of a shampoo commercial? I am shocked, shocked! that they are not making interesting art.