Win free Titus Andronicus tickets by laughing at ridiculous mustaches
Yep, you're quite right, there's absolutely no way for us to make this proposal any more appealing.
Here's the deal: we have two free tickets to the Titus Andronicus show on Saturday at Random Row Books, and as usual, we intend to make you do silly things in order to get them.
Since The Monitor, the celebrated new Titus album, is a concept album of sorts about the Civil War and the battleship of the same name deployed by the Union at Hampton Roads, what better way to do this than by celebrating the war's second-greatest accomplishment? (After the abolition of slavery, of course.)
We refer, of course, to the facial hair. With all due apologies to J. Tillman here, these Civil War general beards are really something else.
Wait, whoops, no, that's actually Titus frontman Patrick Stickles. But here's General Ambrose Everett Burnside, literally the man after whom sideburns were named.
So go forth, would-be freeloaders, and find your favorite ridiculous Civil War facial hair configurations. Share them here using a real email address so we know how to contact you and we'll pick a winner on Friday. We will be fairly liberal in our interpretation of what qualifies as period-appropriate–- mutton chops are fine as long as they're really awesome, but don't expect to get away with a fu manchu or anything.
Mega bonus points, likely enough to sweep this competition, if you are yourself the one in the picture, which we'll verify via Facebook or video chat or by having you stop by the office or perhaps not at all. Apologies for this unfair disadvantage to the ladies, or at least to most of them.