'Karmic fissure': Dragas, Sullivan enjoy healing ceremony
In a continuing effort to promote a spirit of unity and reconciliation, UVA rector Helen Dragas and UVA President Teresa Sullivan attended a cleansing ceremony at the nearby Yogaville ashram. The ritual was performed by spiritual leader Sri Swami Satchidananda, which was also available for viewing online, for free. The ceremony was facilitated by UVA alum Paul Tudor Jones and his wife Sonia, ashtanga yoga devotees who have known the Swami since inviting him to bless their yacht, The Strategic Lady, in 2006.
"Recently, Teresa and Helen have committed themselves to yogic practice and study," said Jones. "Fortunately, the karmic fissure at UVA opened their eyes to the healing powers of the LOTUS, and Sonia and I are overjoyed."
Former chair of the Darden School Foundation Board, Peter Kiernan, attended the ceremony as well, dressed in what appeared to be pajamas, but was seen chanting to himself in the corner, saying "reply, reply, reply."
UVA's COO Michael Strine was there as well, dressed in a chauffeur's outfit and carrying Sullivan's bags.
Kneeling before the Swami, Dragas and Sullivan held hands as traditional markings were painted on their foreheads and cheeks. Parts of their hair were also braided together, and the Swami circled the two woman repeating some kind of gibberish until the two women began to wail mournfully.
Afterwards, Dragas appeared as resolute and confusing as ever.
"President Sullivan took the painted child and furthered the strategic weavery into a blessing of bold and incremental sweavery," said Dragas, then blurted out "Freakin' Kington!!"
"Huh?" a reporter asked.
Sullivan embraced Dragas as she wept and went into a long, articulate explanation of what was going on that no one seemed to quite understand, then hoisted Dragas into her arms and ordered Strine to follow. Paul Tudor Jones and his wife Sonia disappeared through the roof of the ashram wearing jet packs.
Later, former COO Leonard Sandridge appeared from behind a curtain, with a silent and smiling John Casteen carrying a footstool beside him, and nodded to the Swami, who took his hand and knelt before him.
"Get the heck out of here, Kiernan," Sandridge shouted.
The Rutabaga is an occasional humor column in the Hook. It is satire, not news. –editor