Occu-party: Council okays Lee Park night club permit

After handing out an open-ended permit to Occupy Charlottesville to stay in Lee Park indefinitely, as well as a permit for building fires, Charlottesville City Council took a bold step Monday and granted the anti-establishment group a night-club permit.

The following night, tiki torches had lined the walkways, and a gleaming bar at the foot of General Lee's statue was crowded with protesters as a DJ perched atop the statue spun some awesome tunes under an even awesomer light show. Some of the homeless in the area served as waiters as lounge style tables were set up in the grass, along with special VIP tents where people sympathetic to the cause who could afford the $75 entry fee mingled with campers, the homeless, and angry middle-class citizens.

"I didn't really understand what all the complaining was about," says Trent Worthington, a VIP tent attendee, "but I met a guy who makes $35,000 a year and has one car? I just didn't realize it was so terrible."

Standing on the sidewalk, Tea Party activist Bert Yarn looks on with anger.

"We were only allowed a café permit in McIntire Park," says Yarn. "Clearly, Council has a soft spot for these socialist hippies."

"People have the freedom to assemble in this country," says Mayor Dave Norris, "and there's no reason they shouldn't have the freedom to have a little fun and make some money."

Asked whether Council has shown any pro-Occupy bias, Norris points out the Tea Party never asked for a night club permit.

"Ironically," says Norris, "the Tea Party doesn't really know how to party. They aren't as fun as the Occupy folks."

Charlottesville Police Chief Tim Longo says he's a supporter of the Lee Park night club.

"As part of the agreement, officers are stationed on the sidewalk," says Longo, "and anyone leaving the park area who does not pass a breathalyzer test has to sleep in the park. We're keeping a lot more intoxicated people off the roads here than we are at traditional nightclubs."

For Occupy organizers, its a win-win situation.

"The drunker people get," says Lee Preen, president of Cville Transvestites for Change, "the more our occupy numbers go up. Plus, they tend to stay longer into the afternoon. We've had a tremendous amount of support for the nightclub goers, including donations of barf-bags, asprin, Alka-Seltzer, ear muffs, and couches."

So what's next for Lee Park and the Occupy movement?

"Dude, we've already submitted plans for an in-ground pool," says Kevin Kirkston, Occupy Charlottesville's Director of Operations, "which should be approved in a few weeks. It's just so amazing, man, to see all these different kinds of people from our society coming together, working out our problems over a couple of drinks. Just imagine the kind of progress we're going to make when we can all just jump in the pool together. " 

Meanwhile, Tea Party activist Yarn looks on and grumbles.

"We could party, too," he says. "If we were just given the chance."
~
The Rutabaga is an occasional humor column in the Hook. It is satire, not news.–editor

Read more on: the rutabaga

59 comments

No you are not going to change the landscaping of Lee Park to install an in-ground pool--for use in Winter. Eventually, one of these days, you folks will realize you have made your point if there is a point to be made, and move on. You will not destroy an public park in the process. I may well exercise my right to make as much noise as possible on a public street at 3am, and 4am and 5am to protest the protestors.

Occupuds.......ya think they are waiting for President Ramalamadingdong to organize them? They are truly unorganized.

Now what about building those shelters to code?

Didn't know you had it in you, Dave. Bravo.

We're keeping a lot more intoxicated people off the roads here than we are at traditional nightclubs."

if only they'd sit outside their station and catch some of the yahoos leaving 216 and getting into their cars at 4-5am. the cops wouldnt even have to get in their cars...but that would ruin all the fun of the flashy lights and noisemakers.

Party is over. BOA agreed to cancel plans to impose the $5 debit tax. You all won and can go home now.

Trent Worthington met a guy who makes $35,000 a year and has one car? And he thinks this is unusual? I suspect 20% to 25% of the population in Charlottesville fits in this category. And it's most likely a higher percentage in Albemarle County. And they're lucky if this one car is worth $2,000 to $5,000. And they are living paycheck to paycheck. More often than not, they will also get behind a paycheck or two untilt hey get their tax refunds every year.

Is this what the movement is about? People want $100,000 a year salary and 3 cars to park in front of a $450,000 home?

"The Rutabaga is an occasional humor column in the Hook. It is satire, not news.–editor"

"The Rutabaga is an occasional humor column in the Hook. It is satire, not news.–editor"
Only occasionally funny,and this isn't one of those times.

its not not funny

Marco, the flashy lights aren't as much fun as you might think. They're actually the cause of an occasional death and many many injuries in police vehicle related accidents. Motorists approaching a scene where the cops are present are nearly blinded by the intensity of the flashing blue lights nowadays. The state police say the benefits of being so bright outweigh the risks of using them.

Jim: What is funny to you?

Littlebabushka: Pauly Shore!

Gasbag, we've heard this before...at least start a new broken record.

OK, OK, I admit the sirens are FUN!!! More power to them!

attaboy

Is the columnist satirizing the city's stand on the freaks in Lee Park or satirizing (baiting) the community's outrage at the freaks in the Park?

You know, all the years I've lived here and I though Lee Park was named in honor of London Lee.

Gasbag didn't get the joke.

It's a joke that's not totally funny. Because a lot of Americans feel that country owes them a living. You may recall that Jesse Jackson Jr. has recently offered up his own $804 billion jobs plan that calls on the federal government to hire the nation’s 15 million unemployed Americans for jobs paying roughly $40,000 to each person. If somebody wants a $35,000 salary and a car, they need to get out there and work for it.

A joke? Much of this is not all that improbable. Not with what City Council did to another park, McIntire. So now when I read the Dave McNair byline I must first look at the bottom of the article to find out whether he is reporting the truth or making things up because he is trying to be funny. That is, if I were to read any more of his articles. He's lost credibility and so has the Hook. There is another alternative weekly that does not try to confuse its readers with what is false and what is not, and that is the paper I will substitute for the bookmark in my browser that used to link here.

All these years and I had no idea what a Rutabaga story is here, and didn't even realize The Hook had it here as well. Now I see the editor's line you speak of, History Buff! This is actually more disturbing now. Because I could have believed every word in the story! It would not surprise me to see City Council issue a permanent occupancy permit. I am wondering when City Council will have temporary power fed into the park. And it wouldn't surprise me at all to see City Council issue a night club business license. I think the arrests this afternoon might delay their ABC license for a while though. Until then the occupy residents will just have to step out of the park to drink alcoholic beverages, the mall is close enough. And more likely than not, City Council will soon have to rent and install more port-a-potties! And there's always emergency contingencies, like allowing all occupy residents to report to City Council chambers to sleep if the temperature gets below 20 degrees. The occupy residents won't need baths or showers if City Council gives them free pool passes. All of this is not real funny, it's very probable! :)

Well, isnt it funny that many occupy events have empty tents at night. And other places have empty tents during the day. And now we are lucky to say that the Charlottesville movement has brought alcohol to our youth, are slowly damaging the park and perhaps attracting parolees and the homeless. But in NYC when the homeless came to eat the Occupy food they were turned away. Hmmm, what part of the 99% are they? Barbecue anyone? Come on by, its all good and all free.

How about the Hook doing what it does best, dig in and reveal the truth about the true presence or not, who they are and what affect is it having on the community.

Truth be told Charlottesville City Council would like to fashion itself "Moscow on The Rivanna"...But please, for the love of God, (an all purpose God ,or non-god...we dont want to insult our athiest friends now do we?),,,tell me this story is fiction!...I would like to think that we will eventually see that the Country has spent money like pigs...and we will eventually correct our ways. But when I see continuous Bufoonish behavior not only from a bunch of hemp wearing college aged Hippies but elected officials saying Yippie!!, I know that we are truly doomed...So, to all you evil people out there that actually work for a living,pay your bills and taxes to support stupid crap like this...make another trip to Sams to stockpile...because we are just simply DOOMED!!!!!!!

Look Deeper- Here, here! Check out those Occupuds who have given their names to the press and find out why they are there, what they do and expose this group of humpty dumps for what they are.

If they are Wall Street Occupuds, then go to Wall Street!

When the going gets tough, the Ocupuds will get going...........

Every one here has an opinion, right or wrong its good..... I guess. Being a yankee though, Its a good thing I didn't spend a night at Lee's park. He would of found himself taking a dirt nap along with Traveler.

These people are morons, the mayor is a moron and the police chief is a moron. These people are protesting capitalism, but now the socialist-hippie-loser mayor has allowed these bums to throw a party in which they charge people to enter...that's called capitalism! MORONS! BUMS! I've entered the twilight zone! These people aren't even protesting anything! They just want to get laid and stoned and pretend they're protesting against something worthy, but they're only protesting cleanliness. LOSERS!

Hmm...when 'Daniel Mais' goes back and reads this a little more carefully, do you think he'll sense the irony?

The reactions to this obviously fake story prove that an alarming number of Americans are gullible and lazy. They scan an article, gather up a few "facts" to get outraged about, and then proceed typing at a furious pace, spit flying from their mouths. They take no time to digest information, or look into an issue more deeply. I hope you geniuses don't vote or serve on juries.

Funny

I think these Rutabaga articles should be posted in a Lampoon section of The Hook and not in the news and features.

History' Buff's just salty that he/she missed the joke and cant delete his/her first post. I guess satire is lost on some people

it might have been funny - if it weren't so close to the actual truth.

The City should get a deposit from any group occupying a Park to pay for the clean up and re-seeding of all the grass/bushes if either is damaged. If it ever ends the whole place will have to be re-seeded in grass, then about that time another group will want it.

To rent a shelter at McIntire Park the City wants $55 day and $85 rental for weekends with "no lound or amplified Music is allowed in City Parks"-goggle search 11/2. Why should you be able to take over a whole park, pay no deposit, no daily fee, and be allowed a night club.

I actually thought this was a joke when I first began reading it:

"Ironically," says Norris, "the Tea Party doesn't really know how to party. They aren't as fun as the Occupy folks."

and

"Charlottesville Police Chief Tim Longo says he's a supporter of the Lee Park night club.

"As part of the agreement, officers are stationed on the sidewalk," says Longo, "and anyone leaving the park area who does not pass a breathalyzer test has to sleep in the park. We're keeping a lot more intoxicated people off the roads here than we are at traditional nightclubs."

By that point in the article my hands actually went up to my mouth and I made this funny "ppppbbbbbbb!" noise while grinning, like, are you kidding me?? This can't be real! Then I continued:

"The drunker people get," says Lee Preen, president of Cville Transvestites for Change," the more our occupy numbers go up...."

and

"Dude, we've already submitted plans for an in-ground pool,"

It's like reading an article in The Onion!

Okay, saw the italicized fine print at the bottom: "The Rutabaga is an occasional humor column in the Hook. It is satire, not news.–editor"

No wonder! Good job, guys, The Onion is the first thing I thought about as I read this. :D I was like, No way can this possibly be real! ay yai yai....

@sez me: Yes, the park is called Lee Park. This is Virginia, so what do you expect? Give it a rest with the displaced yankee routine, m'kay?. Most folks around here don't give a shizzle about this North/South fixation of yours.

Besides, Southerners are supposed to be the ones who cannot let go of the Civil War....

Dave and his merry band of idiots once again show how out of touch they are.
"People have the freedom to assemble in this country," says Mayor Dave Norris, "and there's no reason they shouldn't have the freedom to have a little fun and make some money."

I know it is hip in Cville to be a liberal and decry how your rights are being violated BUT what is really ironic is that they consistently put up barriers to anyone who is not in agreement with them. When will the voters wake up and vote the head idiot out of office??

Sabbath Lily, it is very easy to fall for this joke. It's exactly what most of us have come to expect from our City Council. There was no reason to believe any of it wasn't true. When the occupy residents started building their little shack the other day I assumed this was the new bar and club the author was speaking of here.

These are interesting times.

please read:

Collapse, How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed, By Jared Diamond.

One of the greatest ironies of the human existence is technological "advancement"

No jobs, No tax base, = Occupy Movement

I would be more impressed if the Occupy Charlottesville people were interested in the problems of working people trying to make a go of it rather than being warm and fuzzy with the deadbeats and lowlifes than hang around Lee Park and Downtown, many of whom never worked a day in their lives if they could avoid it.
I am sure that the con artists that many of these "street people" are are having a field day with all the naive bleedinghearts that are at the Park and who get quoted in newstories.
That element, dubbed the lumpenproletariat by Marx would have been among the first taken out and shot if a revolution along the lines of the Russian or Cuban occurred, not catered to.
I am no sympathizer with the Tea Party , but I think we have a pack of fools governing the City.

@ Gasbag

"There was no reason to believe any of it wasn't true..."

Well, other than the quotes being so over the top that it makes one almost spit out their morning tea while reading. :D That's why the first thing I thought as I made my way through the article was The Onion. It was in the exact style of The Onion with the over-the-top and quite obviously obnoxious quotes.

Basically the younger crowd probably "got it" or at least sensed something was majorly off, but the older crowd, not so much. I think it's a generational thing. There's almost this literal barrier in terms of humor nowadays, with the dividing line probably being about 45. Maybe 50. Anybody younger than 45 (and maybe extending upwards to 50) came of age in a very different time period, one where things just weren't taken so seriously, versus the older folks. The older generation seems to have trouble recognizing sarcastic parody, and then when they get duped they don't have a sense of humor about that either. They get all self righteously indignant and like, threaten to unbookmark The Hook from their favorites.

(Oh no! Not that! Anything but...........*the unbookmark* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Just when The Hook starts gaining attention for good reporting, they have to post an April Fools story on November 1. Not funny.

What would be really funny is if City Council really did end up giving them an open end permit to remain in the park. Far fetched? I think not.

What would be really funny is if City Council really did end up giving them a permit for open fires. We are approaching freezing temperatures at night. Far fetched? I think not.

What would be really funny is if City Council really did end up giving them a business license to operate a night club? Far fetched? Perhaps a tad. But never put anything past our City Council.

NO DEMANDS????
Its simple, the mandate of the voters in the last presidential election included:

Affordable health care, Status: Ignored, no action taken, status quo maintained, politicians taking money from Humana, Blue Cross etc.

Create Jobs,Status: Ignored, domestic tax breaks continue for companies who move jobs overseas.

Stop the wars, Status: "sort of" stopping one war

Regulate Wall Street, Status: HA! go pound sand up your rear.

Fix social security because you can forget your 401k, (see regulate wall street)
Status: Nothing done, estimates predict it will go bankrupt about the time baby boomers need it.

Result, pissed off people nationwide, perfect just perfect.

Sick of Dave, is your name in ref. to Norris or Matthews? I was going to take that name in ref. to both.

PS: I am home-schooling my young son, and we are working on punctuation. I am teaching him about periods at the end of a statement, exclamation points at the end of a statement of excitement, and question marks at the end of an interrogative sentence. Since The Hook is making an attempt at comedy writing, you might want to infuse a bit of proofreading in there as well....the Trent Worthington quote seems like a statement to me. Try a question mark; there are still some leftover even after the leader of The Mysterians took a lot of them.

Skinny- Occupy movement = bowel movement

If they are the 99%, then why are there only 12 of them............

Lee Park is now infiltrated by people with criminal records, people occupying from other cities (go home), Park is now no longer a safe place for children and families.

Soooooo, to stop this nonsense, why doesnt someone or group apply for a permit for a date in the future? If the park is reserved, the occupuns have to leave.

They need to stop giving in to what they won't , because if you keep giving in they will never leave.

look deeper- sounds like a "sting" operation is in order..................

look deeper- what a great idea!

Liberalace my comments are directed towards Norris. Never been a fan of Matthews but do not have a problem with him. Funny thing is that I realized it was a joke last night while talking to my wife about the stupidity or the council and our mayor. Sad part is that it was believable based on the other stupid and under handed decisions they made in the past. I hope that people in this city will wake up and vote them out of office. Problem is much like Washington who do we replace them with????

Follow the money and take a look at the backgrounds of those occupuds who give their names to the press.....very telling.

They have no clue.

Perhaps they should look at taking over the Halsey Minor building......they could maintain it for hima dn the bank

Hmmm. The City may have something with granting the Occupy! people a night-club permit and making them sleep in the park if they can't pass a breathalizer test. Keep All the drunks in one spot Let the Occupy people also pay the city all of their over-time costs and the money it wastes every year that is spent for night-time baby-sitting service for their new found friends, the town drunks and users, at the Mohr Center. Then during the day, let Occupy pay back all of the costs that the Haven incurs for its day-time drunk baby-sitting services. Better yet, let Occupy reimburse the City that amount that it spends (and has spent) to baby-sit them in Lee Park. The funny thing about this is that the people doing all the complaining about big-business and their corporate stooges controlling all the money, sure have enough money to buy permits, eat well in the park, have nice tents and camping equipment and more than enough money to afford alcohol and smokes for themselves and their new-found allies - the town's drunks and addicts. Anyone with brains should have seen this merger between the two coming the second week Occupy was in the park.

"...spun some awesome tunes under an even awesomer light show."

Good God. Will somebody please hire a decent writer for the Hook?

Journalist,

Yeah? Well, ah, I'd like to see you write something more awesomer!

Time to rid the park of the parasites on parade.